The biggest struggle

Not so long ago, I became an unwitting witness to a conversation between two colleagues who discussed their pastime outside of work. Both agreed on the fact that the most difficult thing is to overcome laziness and start doing something to get out of the vicious circle of workdays.

And then I thought.

Over the past year, I managed to launch my own blog, prepare a creative notebook and a collection of poems for publication, compile a training program based on a goal achievement program written in the same time frame. I am proud of the work done and gladly encourage myself with coffee or chocolate for each result. At the same time, I am a very lazy person by nature. I gladly and without delay do only things I see the point in, and this, as a rule, is what I like and / or it allows me to develop. Everything else is done after going through five notorious stages - from denial to acceptance, that is, the actual implementation.

I suddenly became curious as to how I was able and still am to force myself to continue to work on all my projects and current tasks. If not to take into account coffee with sweets, then I do not use any way to bribe my lazy ego.

Rereading my notes, plans, and developments, I realized that laziness was not my main obstacle to completing the work and getting results. And still, as before, being in a lazy bliss, I gladly write a paragraph or two of text or think about another idea for future projects.

But I cannot say that, until today, I have never experienced difficulties in working with articles or preparing a program. Only what stopped me was not laziness or procrastination, but another, much more unpleasant “cockroach”.

My main difficulty is the reluctance to share the results of my work, be it a raw idea, first groundwork or a finished project. And I am talking about the very first promulgation of a project. After someone gets acquainted with my idea or work, my internal resistance disappears, and I am ready to share projects with the whole world. I still do not post the articles immediately after they are written but persuade myself to lay them out and give others the right to evaluate my work, approving or criticizing.

Where did this internal struggle come from? After thinking and trying to recall my experiences, prior to the publication of works, I realized that it is the first opinion that is of tremendous importance for me and makes me think. Only the very first review serves as the best critic and editor for me. After the work gets the first assessment, it ceases to be fragile in my eyes.

These reflections brought on. Everything is logical. Like any author, I appreciate all my works, I consider them necessary and inviolable. Every article I have written, every finished project is of great importance to me, since it came about as a result of evaluating my own thinking and is an expression of my feelings and emotions, my preferences, attitudes, and principles. As long as they are exclusively “mine,” I feel that they are under reliable protection, and by exposing my work to “trial”, I give them to the crowd, which is equally capable of both: helping to protect them or being able to destroy them.

It is on the basis of the first opinion, I can make changes to the draft or add an explanation to the article, or even remove it. And knowing my own susceptibility to the first review, I found a simple and working way to deal with my greatest struggle - after completing a project, even before publishing or submitting, I give my work to evaluate to one single person who I trust and who understands my views and intentions in each particular project. After that, I toss away any concern about the viability of the results of my work.

Have you ever wondered what your greatest struggle is?