Daily Scribbles (DS #0)

The challenge I've created for myself to beat procrastination and melancholy.

This chilly morning, having been sitting with the hot coffee cup, I suddenly realized that it’s been a while since I had written my ‘recent’ creative lines. I’ve been so preoccupied with the difficulties spring up due to leaving the office job and managing all my projects, trying to make best out of this unwanted mess, that at some point I almost lost myself, meaning everything I’ve been doing up to that very moment in order to build the stronger self.


Over the past years, my attention was consciously drawn to nurturing my talents, to looking for and lifting the best in me, to finding my passions, strengths and weaknesses, to learning to use it properly and freely. I learned a lot about my inner self, about psychology and creativity, about life, arts and career coaching. I was brave enough (and still am) to recognize the gifts I was given the moment I was born – to write passionate lines right from the bottom of my heart.


And now?


I haven’t written anything since September, in English – for much longer. I’m not sure I still remember this language. Has that verb been used where it should have been? Is it okay with tenses? I don’t know. I used to read in English (only – strictly) every evening, and it had lasted for years until this pandemic hit. Since then, I was too nervous and unsure of everything to keep practicing – in all ways. I don’t remember the last time I spoke English. Never have I thought that could be such a problem, but here I am, putting off not only my beloved English poems but all my Russian book drafts as well.


Why is it such a problem? I can explain, and all the writers will relate. Almost the only moment when I feel the most free, powerful and happy is when I write, no matter what: poems, articles, books, other think pieces; it doesn’t matter what language I use. Creative writing is what makes me feel alive, and I put it on hold in behalf of global frustration and panic thoughts. Instead of healing myself through coming up with new characters or rhymed lines, I opted for procrastination letting it swallow me and control the level of my happiness.


I know I must stop postponing the life I desire, because no one is going to do it for me. Our inner battles are the ones that can be won or lost only by ourselves. I know how hard it may be, especially when you don’t know what tomorrow will bring during these uneasy times. But I do know there is at least one thing to lift myself up and start recovering from those obligations, pressure and little troubles that made me forget who I am and what I wish for.


And here comes our dear ‘friendy’ enemy – writer’s block. Never gonna stop worrying about it, but always know how to beat it. The trick is to start writing. One, two, five lines a day. Or words. The point is – to write. I mentioned before one interesting app I have on my cell. It generates simple (sometimes not) topics for freewriting. I liked using it when not having much time or desire to write. It helped me to wake my inner writer up again and again. And now I am thinking about asking this app for the biggest favor: to help me start over.


From now on, I am going to make ten minutes a day to write some simple lines using that app’s topics. I decided to call it “Daily Scribbles”, and I am planning to post a piece of writing once a day, every day, for the next month at least, so that I could remember what it feels like – to write without worrying and contemplating too much.


I’d be truly grateful, if you could find two minutes a day to read those lines and support me with some advices, ideas, inspiration.


From the Writer to Writers,

Sincerely,

Anastasia Kis.